The Guy Who Said No
I've had a couple relationships that have made me ponder the question "where is this going?". Truth is, I think I've always seen the future, or lack of a future for those past relationship lessons, but so deeply wanted them to work out so I painted over the cracks of the shaky foundations there were being built on in my mind. But that's the thing, paint can't mend cracks.
I call them lessons because I think I have learnt something valuable from each. A ton of valuable information, actually. From how to change a tyre, to how to cry gracefully, a little something after every encounter. Although none of these relationships ended in matrimony, I'm still thankful for all the lessons learnt along the way.
Many of us have similar experiences, and there is so much we can learn from them, but we fail to pick apart the pieces of the benefits gained from those weeks, months or even years being with the other person. We dwell on the memories of what was, and what could have been, hindering the progress of what will come.
The point of this story is not to bore you, it's actually to highlight one of those past bad relationship moments, and hopefully you'll be able to take something away from it.
I was in a relationship for a couple months, stuck in the honeymoon phase and blinded and deafened by the excitement of potential new love. Until I took a step back, and thought "where is this going?", I couldn't see a future for it, we did not have a future. And at a closer look, he was an absolute jerk! In that moment when I became aware I turned to him and jokingly asked, "If you had a daughter, would you let her have a boyfriend if he was like you?". His response: "NO!"
So what in the world was I doing with him? I am someone's daughter too. To end a long story, the relationship ended right after I got his response. From this relationship, I walked away with defined character traits that I expect my partner to have, a standard of how I expect to be treated in a relationship, and my dignity still intact.
After deeper consideration I contemplated "would I be happy if my son dated someone like like me?". My evaluation of that breakup episode has taught me lessons that I probably wouldn't have learned anywhere else. We need to become aware that the ending of these relationship chapters all aim to to make the book-- our lives exciting. At the end of each chapter we should revise; what have we learned?
My revision questions:
1. Would I allow your child to date a version of myself?
2. Would I allow my child to date a version of my partner?
My answers changed my whole perspective on relationships.