How your Attachment Style can affect/benefit your relationship?
Have you ever felt that you are in a relationship you can't control anymore? Like everything changed but you don't really know what or when the change happened?
Almost 95% of the people in this world have attachment issues and they become aware of it only after deciding to do some couples therapy. It should take so much for you to realise it's time to know yourself better.
From John Bowlby's perspective, the author of Attachment Theory there are 4 types of attachment styles:
- Secure - these people had a healthy relationship with their parents (especially mother) when they were little, felt positive, protected and loved -> they will not have a problem expressing their needs in a relationship, will be confident and find it easy to interact with others.
- Anxious Preoccupied - these are those people who experienced having a mother who didn't respond to their need of affection and so they always felt unloved/rejected -> they find themselves in relationships where the partner is cold and unloving, because thats the pattern they are used to. Even when they find someone loving, they tend to project that fear of not being enough.
- Fearful Avoidant - these people had a very ambivalent relationship with their mother, not knowing when they are loved and when they are punished -> they find themselves wanting to be loved but running away when they feel too happy, because they fear things will suddenly change all the time.
- Dissmisive Avoidant - their parent either abuses them or neglectes them, they grow with a great insecurity/confused/contradictory behavior -> are used to being alone and being able to do things on their own, but have an intense need for love they have little or no experience on how to handle.
Now knowing what might be your style and why, best thing to do is to try to get to a point where conflict isn't between you two but an outside thing you can confront together.